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And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist