Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.