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What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Just because it`s a bad idea, doesn`t mean it`s not going to be a good time.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
Serving size ?? LMAO
They should make Vodka ChapStick
Autocorrect changed "you`re so wise" to "you`re so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.