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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.