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The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
I just blew all my party money on bills again
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.