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someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.