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I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
Gym update: not there
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
If people could read my mind, Iād get punched in the face a lot.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, Iām slowly getting over it.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?