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I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
The worst part of owning an invisibility cloak is trying to remember where you hung it up.
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.