Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.