Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you