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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Someone asked me today if ive ever been with two women at the same time. But why would I want to disappoint two women at the same time?
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.