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The covers of this book are too far apart.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.