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Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I`ve been chewing for decades, how did I manage to f*ck that up?
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.