Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Bacon...need I say more
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever