Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me `Will you be putting it up yourself?` I told him, `No, you sicko, it`s going in the living room!`
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Don`t act like your not impressed.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.