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What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.