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The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
I tried jogging this morning, but the alcohol kept spilling out of my glass, f&ck that.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?