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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.