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Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.