Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.