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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
Not so great minds also think alike.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.