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I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.