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My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".