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I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.