Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.