Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
Feeling so good today ... High-five the person next to you and tell them it`s from me.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.