Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
I`m an optimist. I didn`t lose a sock in the dryer. I found an extra one!
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
I used to be so broke when homeless people saw me coming by they would hide their change cups.