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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.