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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Go ahead caller 9!!
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.