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Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...