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As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.