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A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, Iām going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?