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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
and alcohol are now friends.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.