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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.