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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.... I think I am going to be pretty good at it.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome