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I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
Reincarnation is my only hope.