Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
I dream about naps.
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.