Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" ā Age is clearly a word.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because Iām a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!