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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`