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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.