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I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.