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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.