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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
There`s no WE in pizza.
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?