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If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?