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I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
I am at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old with a permanent marker without a lid.
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"