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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.