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I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.