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I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.