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Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.