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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.