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Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.