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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls