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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.