Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.