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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.